Saturday, 20 June 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Hello! It's Ramadhan you alls! Hahaha. 

I just got back from hostel and I feel like crying right now. Why? Hehehe relax. I'll told you.

I'm not feeling like crying because I'm sad but because I feel too delighted.

At hostel, or shall I say, the-crazy-life-maker hostel, yesterday, which is the first day of Ramadhan, I got a bad stomachache and ended up having such a goddamn bad fever. Oh gosh! Only Allah knows how tortured I am with it. But today, I'm feeling better instead. And as I reached home, I'm feeling a lot better.

As I switched on my dearest phone, I saw a lot of messages. As usual, one or two of them are of course from maxis and so on. But out of all of the six messages, there's one message that attracted me. As I opened it, I then realized it's the happiest news I've ever got in life. 

Last two months, I went to 'Jom Masuk U' program and went to almost all arts college that are promoting there. And there's this one aunt, gave a competition form. It's an art of drawing competition. Kind of. I was so confused either I shall join it or not. I'm done with the drawing, but not feeling so confident to post it. After getting a few encouragement and consolation from a few friends that I trust, I just post it in case I'm fortune enough to get to the second round even that's when three days more before the due date. 

And I think you could guess what's the happiest news I'm saying about. Yeah! I've make it to the second round. I know that I gained nothing because this is just the first round with no prize, but making it to second round makes me feel proud of myself. To be honest, I'm really proud. Hehehe. It's not that I'm high confident but I never imagined it this way. 

I've never been this happy before. It's the most meaningful success I've ever achieved.

Maybe it's because a success is more valuable when we do the things we love.

I want to do my best.
I want to prove to everyone that I can.
I want to prove to abah that arts is everything I have.

I really want to win this.

Pray for me, guys :)

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Saturday, 6 June 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Wahhh! Lamanya tak bukak! At last, the midyear holidays arrived! Yoohoo!

Well, I have so much thing to tell. Hey, of course! I hasn't been update for such a long long long time.

Remember that I told you that I've dropped Biology subject and take Arts instead? I'm so so so dissappointed with that. Why? Sebab Pengetua tarik balik. Dia...oops, no... Beliau nak jaga gred sekolah. Lagi-lagi when I'm the only one taking Arts. So, I decided to move out from that school. But yeah, my dad didn't agree. He thinks that other school are not as good as Almashoor. Pergh. Good sangat. Yeppp sekolah memang bagus tapi keadaan sekolah, perangai cikgu dan murid-murid yang buat sekolah jadi tak bagus. And my father judge without even know it. Besides, when I said because I want to learn Arts, he said "Nak belajar Seni buat apa? Seni ni tak ada masa depab pun" instead. I want to learn Arts so much. Why can't I do something I like. I want to draw professionally. I'm not so talented but yeah I want to learn! Learn something I love. Can't people understand me? I just want to be an Artist. But why do I keep studying just to satisfied my parents and not because I sincerely want. It's not that I don't want but I really can't! 

Sejak bila manusia diciptakan untuk menjadi sama?

Ayat yang dipetik dari komik Misi 11 A+ ni sering terngiang di fikiran SA sejak form 1 lagi. Ya betul! Sekolah ni macam kilang memproses pelajar. Masuk dengan result 5A or 4A then diproses hingga at last, kita as bahan mentah ni terhasil menjadi produk yang sama. Tapi tak ada guna jadi sama? Even kalau kilang buat gula-gula pun, gula-gula tu still ada macam-macam perisa. And that's what's make the world. That's what's colored the Earth. Different taste give you different feeling.

Memang SA cakap yang SA nak jadi Astronomer. SA tarik balik cita-cita tu dan kembali kepada cita-cita SA yang dari darjah 5 tu. Kenapa? Sebab SA tetiba terfikir, kalau SA jadi Astronomer, SA akan busy and supposed to be SA takkan ada masa dengan family, tambah-tambah dengan anak-anak. Entah kahwin pun entah tidak. Benda paling SA takut nak hadapi pada masa depan is I don't want to see my kids are abandoned. I don't want to face that fact. I want my kids to have a perfect moments with their parents. And not being like me.

Other than that, well, talking about friends problems, it will never end. It's life babe! And as a teenager, it's like a must to have some problems with friends. But this time, it's not a problem to me actually. Just, I'm not close with Wardina like I used to be. I don't even know why and it's happen like a flash of light, without both of us notice. But glad then, we still contact each other and talk nonsense like we always use to. She's a friend since form 1, how can I just leave her just like that?

But there's another friend, that of course I'm not going to mention her name, is a complete problem for me, no, for us. SA tak tahu macam mana nak cakap. SA takut ni aib dia so I'll not going to story everything.

Kami rapat dulu, rapat sangat. Kami share banyak benda and exchange so many stories to each other. Kami buat semua benda sama-sama. Makan, tidur, h/w and go home pun together. But now, it's just a memories. I don't know if it's a happy or bitter memories but it's really end up that way. Dan bukan tu saja. Dia dapat kawan lain and I'm completely don't care but the thing is, dia berubah. Completely changed. But not for good. She turn to be her old self. Diri dia yang jahiliah dulu. SA tak tahu lah sama ada dia jadi macam tu disebabkan hasutan kawan baru dia tu or dia memang pilih nak jadi macam tu, tapi yang SA tahu, dia kalah dengan nafsu sendiri. I cried so many times seeing her like that. I want the old her, I mean the better self of her. SA sedih. Sebab SA rasa SA tak berjaya nak tarik dia. SA tahu SA pun buat dosa, kita semua pendosa tapi kalau ada ukhwah fillah yang saling membantu, SA pasti kita takkan terus terjunam dalam lautan dosa tu. Bukan SA tak cuba. SA cuba. SA dah cuba. Tapi entah lah. Usaha SA macam sia-sia ja. I know there's still a long way to go but here I am, feeling like giving up already. Kawan, kita dah tak rapat, tapi aku masih sayang kau dan of course aku taknak tengok kau terus hidup bergelumang dengan dosa. So, hey! I'm not going to give up! I'm still going to do something with you and try to safe you, my friend. Just wait.

Hmm, so I think that's enough for this time. Going to update again. Later. Maybe. Or three weeks more. Hahaha, I don't know. So... bye.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.