Friday, 18 December 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Time goes round and round. As it turn around, the long hand and short hand will probably meet but then they will be apart again.

What I'm saying is,
Even how long a friendship goes,
Even how much you love someone,
Even how well you tried to maintain the relationship,
Even how hard you tried to not give up and keep trusting,

People in our life don't always stay.

Is it wrong for being loyal?
Is it wrong to keep trusting and hoping?
Is it wrong to wait even we know it won't come?

Yes, I'm naive enough to not being alert with things surround me. I'm easily trust people. I'm easily stabbed. I'm easily forgiving. I'm easily forgetting. Then, I'm easily trusting people and being stabbed again

And, is it wrong for being naive?

Although I've tried to not easily trust someone and be careful over and over again, I just can't. It's because that's the way I am. People surround me are the one who should stopped using me. Because no matter how hard I tried, I can't. I can't.

But why they love taking advantage of me? And why am I being such a fool instead?

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Thursday, 10 December 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

You built up a world of magic,
Because your real life is tragic.

Have you ever felt like something's missing but you don't know what?

I always see it in drama like the boy got amnesia and being separated from the girl, then the boy feel like missing something but don't know but then when he met with the girl, he felt completed, even he doesn't remember who's the girl is. Okay that's drama.

And in real life, I've felt it now. I don't know why but it's really feel incomplete, like something is missing and I really need to know what and find it. It's not the happiness that I'm searching anymore. I'm just feeling like... I don't know, babe. I really don't know what I'm feeling.

But then I could think of one thing. And you, my dearest readers, can think of yours too.

Is my 'solat fardhu(s)' are complete?
Were my ibadah(s) been accepted?
Did I have any effort to make it perfect?
Am I really paying full attention and focus to Allah during solat?

But then I started to think again... yeah maybe my relationship with my Rabb is not so strong.

Plus, I think there's something I need for me to be completed.

I need to stop acting and pretending.

Yeah, I need a person who could see that I'm wearing a mask, and can bear with my true self. I feel myself changing from time to time but the change is not a change that I want, a change that I do to satisfied others' thoughts. All I know is, I've been pretending all this while and the saddest part is, I don't know myself anymore. I don't know which one is my true self anymore. But what can I do when the things happen in my life always keep me away from my own self. I want that part of me back.

That part of me that will truly say what I like and what I hate.
That part of me that always smile sincerely and never fake a smile even once.
That part of me that can easily share problems with my best friends(?).
That part of me that afraid of a thing and want to be took cared of.
That part of me that didn't care about people surrounding and just like to live alone.

Then what can I do when now, I can't be any of it?

I have to lie, being lied to and at last feel betrayed and disappointed.
I have to fake a smile and make everyone believe that I've live my life peacefully.
I have to tell everyone that I'm fine and doesn't have problems.
I have to do things on my own even if I'm afraid.
I have to do something 'attention seeker' like to make sure that people want to be my friends.

And I don't know if I even learned something from faking and acting to be all that. Are all that try to tell me that I'm all grown up and not pretending anymore? Are they? To be honest, I really feel like I'm all grown up sometimes when I don't do stupid things - like get mad on a little thing and know how to handle something - but yeah again and again I'm telling you, I don't know which is my rue self anymore. I really don't know, guys!

So because of that, I'm wishing to find someone that are comfortable of me taking of my mask and accept me like no other person  ever do. Only then, I could know my true self and won't be apart from it anymore.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Saturday, 7 November 2015


Assalamualaikum b.t.w.

"Goodbyes are not forever, goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you until we meet again."

Everything changed. Totally changed. Their impression toward us are no longer a good one but I'm sure they will get what they deserve because I really believe in justice and have faith in Him. Let's build some new memories but never delete the old one even I know, there will be not the same person in each of our memories anymore. It's hard. But we must. Don't forget the things we used to say, do, promise, see and create together.

Maybe I don't cry but it's hurt.
Maybe I won't say but I feel.
Maybe I don't show but I care.

When it's time for us to venture out, don't let fear have us looking back at what we are leaving behind because as we grow wiser we will realize what we actually need. Don't think that we leave because things are hard. We leave because it's no longer worth it. Everyone has power to make someone happy, some by entering but some by leaving. Don't let the past and useless details choke your existence. Remember when our past call, don't answer. It has nothing new to say. We will never leave a place or person we love. A part of them, you take with you while leaving a part of you with them.

Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku bersama hampa.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku jumpa hampa.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku melawak dengan hampa.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku dengar lawak bodoh hampa.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku tengok senyuman hampa.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku duduk sekolah lapan tingkat.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku duduk sekolah ada lif.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku duduk sekolah ada view laut.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku jumpa seorang cikgu yang tak penat membenci aku.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku jumpa seorang cikgu yang tak penat mendengar keluhan aku.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku boleh melompat depan orang.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku ada geng nak menggila.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku dapat lead senamrobik.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku dapat main sampai empat percussion.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku ada junior yg selalu share stories dgn aku.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku dilabel 'pelajar bermasalah'.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku jumpa junior yg nangis sbb pemergian aku.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku  ada senior yg selalu care pasal aku even lain umur.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku menipu all people and myself saying that I'm happy without Mashoor.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku nak ada masalah dgn cikgu.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku dapat buktikan kat cikgu yg sebenarnya aku bukannya tak guna.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku menangis sebab tinggal kawan2 yg aku sayang.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku dapat ada kawan macam hampa.
Mungkin ini kali terakhir aku boleh cakap yg aku sayang hampa.


Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 4 October 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

"What defines us is how well we rise after falling."

It's hurt to move on.
It's hurt to stand up again.
It's hurt to see others' joy.
It's just hurt.

But problem make us matured. We might think it's hard, hurt and else but instead of letting go of something/someone for awhile and losing something/someone forever, which one do you prefer? So, waiting is the best answer, right?

Be willing to go alone sometimes. You don’t need permission to grow. Not everyone who started with you will finish with you. And that’s okay.

You will never get what you truly deserve if you're too attached to things you suppose to let go of, even though every words ache, every breath hurt. Nobody is worth stressing over. Like move on, leave people behind, go find yourself, the world is yours. Life goes on! Note that to yourself.

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overanalyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on. You can obsess and obsess over how things ended - what you did wrong or could have done differently - but there’s not much of a point. It’s not like it’ll change anything. So really, why worry?

It's so true that 'hijrah' needs a lot of sacrifice. A big one for sure. 

We don't know what will happen in the future. If you failed now, doesn't mean you failed forever. We never know people's ending because as long as we are alive, the chance is always there. 

Psychologically, the best feeling is when you are happy without things you once thought you need the most.

Stop waiting if it's tiring.
Stop chasing if it's exhausting.
Stop hoping if it's always disappointing.
Stop hurting if the bleeding has stop.
Stop lying to yourself and your heart if you know the truth.

Just stop. Already.

So seriously, forget shit and move on.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 20 September 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Allow me to write in Malay :)

Ticket apa tu? No. apa tu? Dah datang lambat memang nombor jadi banyak la. Well, yesterday SA attended satu seminar ni which called EXP (Explore the Unknown Potential). Memang best ah. EXP yg sesi Penang saja dulu pon SA pergi. Yg ni EXP The Grand Finale which diorang kumpul balik semua sesi di setiap negeri dan buat di Penang. 

Kalau EXP dulu, 3 orang speaker tetap, iaitu abang Solihin Razali, abang Azhar Jalil dan abang Faris Hakim, tu ja yg bagi talk. Tapi kali ni, diorang jemput kak Diana Amir, Puan Yasmin which we just called kak Min, abang-abang Titan, coach kpd 3 org speaker tetap tu ( tak ingt nama, sorry), kak Heliza Helmi dan adiknya, kak Hazwani Helmi serta kak Fynn Jamal.

Okay SA nak kongsi tentang apa yg SA dapat masa kat sana. Keep reading kalau sudi baca writing SA yang macam karangan sastera peringkat PHd ni. Hehehehehe.

First sekali diorang jemput kak Diana Amir untuk kongsikan pengalaman penghijrahan kak Diana. Sumpah kak Diana cantik gila wei! Tak tipu! Sangat cantik! Kak Diana mengaku yang masa sekolah dulu, kak Diana memang dah pakai tudung. Tapi kak Diana mula berubah lepas masuk U which kak Diana sebenarnya culture shock sebab kak Diana tak pernah berjauhan dengan ibu bapanya. Tudung dia makin pendek, makin pendek dan akhirnya dia free hair. Bila dia dapat tawaran berlakon, kak Diana dah mula rasa hidupnya berubah 360 degree. Kak Diana dah tak boleh nak keluar suka hati jalan-jalan macam orang lain, banyak kontroversi, memalukan mak abah dan semua yang negatif terjadi dalam hidupnya. Tapi satu hari, dia terdetik nak stop semua tu. Dia perlahan-lahan berubah, satu demi satu dan seperti yang kita lihat bagaimana kak Diana sekarang, begitulah hasilnya. Ada banyak lagi yang dia cakap sebab awal-awal tu SA tak rajin nak bukak buku dan salin, sorry.

Secondly, kak Min or her full name is Puan Yasmin Ramzi. Yang ni pon SA tak ingat sangat apa yang dia cakap sebab SA keliru la antara talk dia dengan coach tu. Yg mana coach cakap, dan yg mana kak Min cakap. Salah satu diorang ni suruh kami tulis kat kertas siapa yg kita sayang, apa yang dia suka, dan apa kita akan buat untuk orang yang kita suka tu. Lepas tu dia tanya, ada sesiapa nak kongsi tak, then laju ja seorang mamat ni lari naik pentas dan bagitau apa yang dia tulis. Dia tulis nama perempuan yang dia suka. Dia kata perempuan tu suka senyum so dia nak buat perempuan tu sentiasa tersenyum. Dia ada cakap jugak nak study bagi major addmath so that dia boleh ajar perempuan tu. Dia jugak nak jadi pandai sebab perempuan tu suka orang pandai. Serious wei, lelaki macam ni, rugi kalau lepas. SA doakan yang terbaik buat diorang. Lepas tu, kami disuruh menggantikan org yg kami sayang tu dengan impian kita and blablabla. Tapi yg SA paling ingat, masa sesi dia, dia ada cakap dan SA quotes ayat dia. "Ingat, apa yang kita fikir, apa yang kita lihat, apa yang kita dengar, apa yang kita rasa, apa yang kita buat, semuanya adalah doa". Dia jugak explain yang most orang yang berjaya semuanya menggunakan otak kanan. Pastu dia ajar macam mana nak aktifkan otak kanan which yang SA tak salin dan mungkin korang boleh search google kalau ada. Ada ajar jugak macam mana nak focus dalam kelas especially bila mengantuk, which kita kena tengok warna yang kita akan focus. Untuk cari warna tu bukanlah dengan favourite kita. Angkat sebelah depa kita, dan suruh kawan kita pegang apa-apa warna dan tunjuk di depan mata kita. Then dalam masa yang sama kawan kita akan tolak depa kita ke bawah and kita kena tahan masa ditolak tu.. Kalau susah, mean warna tu lah yang kita focus. Kalau senang means tak la. And benda tu memang terjadi automatik sebab ada lah saraf apa benda ntah berhubung dengan otak dan blablabla.

Then, Titan pulak masuk, masa sesi diorang ni lagi la SA tak ingat apa sebab asyik gelak ja. Hahahahaha.

Then baru coach tu pulak bagi talk. seperti yang SA kata tadi, SA keliru antara talk dia dengan talk kak Min so SA akan story ja. Sorry kalau salah orang. Well masa sesi dia, dia suruh pejam mata, letak barang semua ke tepi, kedua-dua tangan di atas paha. Then dia suruh terbalikkan tangan kiri dan bayang kita tengah pegang satu belon warna hitam, dan isikan belon tu dengan semua masalah-masalah kita, ingat semua kesusahan dan kesengsaraan yang kita alami, lepaskan semuanya. Okay SA mengaku SA menangis masa ni because hey, siapa ja yang tak menangis kenangkan hidup yang huru-hara? Lepas tu dia suruh lepaskan belon tu ke udara, lepaskan walaupon susah, lepaskan walaupon perit. Then dia suruh terbalikkan tangan kanan pulak dan bayang kita tengah pegang satu belon berbentuk hati berwarna merah yang cantik sangat (p/s:SA tak suka warna merah so SA bayang bentuk bintang warna biru, k suka hati lah). Pastu isikan belon tu dengan impian kita, harapan kita, angan-angan kita. Then lepaskan ke udara dan berdoa agar impian itu terbang tinggi dan sampai kepada Allah supaya Allah akan tolong kita gapai impian tu. Kalau korang nak try buat, buatlah. SA tak tahu lah dengan orang lain but hati SA rasa tenang lepas buat macam tu. Lastly, yg jugak SA tak ingat siapa punya talk, dia ajar cara untuk bagi belajar senang masuk. Dia ajar kaedah tarik nafas - inhale (5s): tahan (20s) : exhale (10s). Kaedah 5:20:10 ni mesti dibuat bila-bila minima 3 kali sehari. And before start belajar pulak guna ratio 4:8:10. Confirm ilmu senang masuk.

After that kak Heliza dengan adiknya kak Hazwani masuk lepas kami rehat selama lebih kurang satu jam untuk makan dan solat. Kak Heliza nyanyi while adik dia, pergh! Buat beatbox kot! SA teruja sangat. Sebab first time tengok perempuan, melayu pulak tu, alim buat beatbox. Kak heliza kongsi pengalaman dan tunjuk video-video dan gambar-gambar masa dia pergi Syria dulu. Dia kata memang kesian tengok diorang. Ada seorang budak kecik lagi, kata kat kak Heliza, "jangan kesiankan kami, tapi kesiankanlah dekat remaja yang di luar sana yang disogokkan dengan pelbagai gangguan dan masalah sosial". Kak Heliza jugak terjumpa dengan sekumpulan budak-budak yang berjalan-jalan sambil bawa beg sekolah. Leader diorang tanya kat budak tu dalam bahasa Arab, "baru balik dari mana?" dan diorang jawab "dari sekolah" Leader tu tanya lagi "kenapa pergi sekolah walaupon keadaan tengah macam ni" dan dibalas "sebab kalau kami tak belajar, siapa lagi nak pertahankan negara kami, sebab tu kami kena belajar jugak". Sumpah deep wei. Kita kat sini, jerebu sikit dah tutup sekolah. Haihhh~

And lastly, sesi yang paling SA suka antara semua, kak Fynn Jamal. Kak Fynn bagi keizinan untuk kami bertanya tentang apa-apa saja. Banyak soalan tapi SA salin yang penting ja. Ada orang tanya, "Saya tak tahu impian saya, kejap nak jadi itu, kejap nak jadi ini, so macam mana nak tahu apa yang kita betul-betul nak sebenarnya". Kak Fynn explain, 'mencari' adalah fitrah manusia. Kita takkan tahu selagi kita tak nampak. Contohnya macam, kecik-kecik dulu kalau pergi kedai mak tnya nak apa, mesti jawab nasi goreng centu ja. Tapi bila dah besar kita dah pandai order nak nasi goreng USA lah, nasi goreng pataya lah. Always keep trying, and it's okay kalau kita rebah sebab benda yang menjatuhkan kita is the best thing. Sebab kita takkan belajar kalau tak buat silap. Kesilapan adalah untuk diperbaiki bukan diulangi. Travel sejauh yang boleh sebab orang yang berjaya selalunya orang yang keluar dari zon selesa. Contoh, kita selesa duduk di rumah, so kita kena keluar dari rumah untuk lihat pelbagai lagi cara hidup. Kalau kita selesa duduk di Malaysia, kita kena keluar ke negara lain. Macam tu la. You can do whatever you want so jangan stop mencari. Lepas tu ada orang tanya, macam mana nak lupakan masalah. Kak Fynn explain, ajar otak untuk separate Jangan biar masalah makan kita, biar kita yang makan masalah. Sebab besar mana pon masalah, cakap kat masalah tu, "Allah aku lagi besar dari kau". Ada jugak orang tanya macam mana nak handle inner voice yang negatif. Jawapan kak Fynn simple ja, buat benda lain yang boleh buat kita tak fikir apa. Macam kak Fynn, dia suka menulis. Sebab bila menulis, dia rasa release. Kalau SA pulak, SA suka edit blog, atau buat origami bintang. Atau paling habis pon, SA akan dengar lagu sampai tertidur. Last but not least, ada yang tanya tentang masa depan which SA mmg tak ingat soalan dia tentang apa. Kak Fynn explain, rancang. Jangan takut untuk merancang sebab selalunya orang takut merancang sebab taknak kecewa bila tak dapat. So dia ikut ja flow hidup dia. Kita kena pandai merancang tapi jangan terlalu mengharap sebaliknya terus berusaha untuk capai perancangan tu. Kak Fynn kata, "You're nothing except the people around you". So tak payah nak kecewa sangat sebab segalanya milik Allah. Kak Fynn ada cakap jugak "Don't judge people just because you live better then them. Kita takkan tahu ending seseorang tu. 

Sorry post kali ni panjang sangat tapi harap korang boleh ambil yang positif dan terapkan dalam kehidupan. Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Friday, 18 September 2015

The Day

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

"Happy Birthday, it's my birthday every day
When I'm by your side
Just like today
All my days that has spent with you
Are happy days" - Yoseob (Happy Birthday)

And yeahhhhhhhhhhh! The day has come and it's today.

Haha yeah it's my birthday and guess what? Byeol got one more friend. I named it as 'Gendut' since it's the nickname I gave to the person that gave it.

Well birthday means you are growing up and told you to stop doing stupid things already. But hey, if I don't do stupids thing now, I don't have a thing to laugh when I grew up. So I want to enjoy this a little bit more without any worries. Okay I'm lying if I said I don't have any worries now but I'll try my very best to endure it. Problems create ourself, right?

Okay happy birthday to Amber from f(x) who shared the same birthday as me too. Ngee^^

okay let's call this my 'birthday food' instead of a birthday cake
Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 13 September 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I hate the new you.

Everything changed. Things turned out to things I never expect and thought it would be. I hate how it change but yeah, that's life, Cah. 

As we fell apart, things are not the same anymore. We may said once that we will be friends forever and make sure it's a long lasting one. But who knows things will turn to be like this? Who? Tell me who? 

No one ask for it, babe!

There's no one want this to happen. 

Every single thing happened was His plans. We never knew.

Now let me speak. Us, here, may be not asking what you are doing, how are your life going but trust us, we all miss you. You know when something happen you're not there, we always said "I wish she's still here". We don't care if you have new friends, but why must you change 180 degree like this. You are not the same anymore and making it looks like 'we are not the same anymore'.

We miss you so much. We miss the old of you. We have been friends for 4 years but why must you change now?

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 23 August 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I just finished an exam last Thursday and it's felt so relieve like we just finished SPM and graduating school. Hahaha. Sure, it absolutely felt like that. Cause you don't know how our exam be like. Although it's just August test, but our teachers kill us with such a goddamn SPM-like questions. God, it's hard to be a student right?

So... to release a bit of my tension, I accepted a few friends' request to edit their blog. Lol. Yes, I love to edit blog and create blogskins. I didn't think anything while I'm doing it and that's what I do when I want run out from reality, stress, and of course when I'm bored.

I actually doesn't have a point for posting this but there's an urge for me wanting to update something. Maybe because I'm bored. Yeah maybe, since there's no more blogs to edit. 

Oh ya! Read my previous post? The one I'm talking about dreams? I talked to my friends about it, and one of them tell us that her cousin doesn't have thing she want to be and when she entered university, the university recommend her a course and now she's graduated and successful with that. So I thought, just like I said in the previous post, maybe I'll get in one day, maybe it's not now. I'll just need to wait. Wait 'a few' years more. Errr -.-"

Okay let's end the nonsense here. See you again. Bye.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 9 August 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

"Catastrophe was about to strike"

Hello and hi! I'm back with the title strike. What strike? It's about my future.

About a few days ago, my Mathematics teacher, Puan Norenjah, asked some of the students in my class, "Apa cita-cita kamu? Impian kamu" which mean 'what is your dream' type of question. I heard many of my friends' dreams and got a little jelous of them for having a big dreams. I was one of the students that being asked and guess what, I told my teacher "Entah la, cikgu" and was forced to think of one. I ended up answering her "Live an easy life maybe" and she asked me again with "What kind of easy? How can  you get an easy life?". I just told her "Being success?". I know she was fed up with me that she finally asked me to take a sit.

That night, before going to sleep, while I was lying on the bed, I thought about what happen that day which was what happen in Math class.

"Am I really doesn't have a dream?"
"What will I became when I'm adult?"
"Where will I go once the SPM results is out?"
"What will I do with my life?"
"What do I really love actually?"

I once want to become an Artist. That's my ambition since standard 5. I changed it when I'm in form 3 which was when I learnt the last chapter in subject Science, The Stars and Universe. Since I'm obsessed with stars, I got interest to learn more about it and that's when I decided to become an Astronomer.

But as I reached form 4 and be a science stream student, one starry night, I thought to myself again, "Is this what I really want?" I can't even study so well and all I can do is the art thingy things. And I've make a stupid decision ever. I decided to drop Biology and take Art instead but ended up being betrayed. I've dropped Biology but I can't study Art either with the excuse of only me taking the subject so it's risk the school's grade so much. When I decided to transfer, my father didn't agree with it because he want me to have Bahasa Arab in my SPM results. 

And now, here I am, being a girl with no dream.

Is it normal for girl with age of mine has no dream?

I think I just need time. I guess so. Maybe I'll get the answer later and not now. Maybe one day.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Hi! Hahaha actually I'm here to tell you about my competition. It's last 3 weeks but yeah sorry I didn't have time to update this blog. This going to be a very short update because I actually don't have anything to say.

They said that all the people who make it to the second round are actually 200 contestant out of 500. At the second round, we will be given another mission and only 10 will survive to the last round. And well... of course I'm not one of it. There's so many talented people. Plus, I don't have any basic. Haha, it's okay then. I think I could take some times to learn a little bit and join it again next year.

Okay let's forget about it already. Guess what? I changed my link and blogskins. What do you think about it?

And hey! It's one day left before Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Ramadhan will leave soon so make sure to do a lot of good deeds.

I don't have any words anymore. So... Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin to those who celebrate it. Bye.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Saturday, 20 June 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Hello! It's Ramadhan you alls! Hahaha. 

I just got back from hostel and I feel like crying right now. Why? Hehehe relax. I'll told you.

I'm not feeling like crying because I'm sad but because I feel too delighted.

At hostel, or shall I say, the-crazy-life-maker hostel, yesterday, which is the first day of Ramadhan, I got a bad stomachache and ended up having such a goddamn bad fever. Oh gosh! Only Allah knows how tortured I am with it. But today, I'm feeling better instead. And as I reached home, I'm feeling a lot better.

As I switched on my dearest phone, I saw a lot of messages. As usual, one or two of them are of course from maxis and so on. But out of all of the six messages, there's one message that attracted me. As I opened it, I then realized it's the happiest news I've ever got in life. 

Last two months, I went to 'Jom Masuk U' program and went to almost all arts college that are promoting there. And there's this one aunt, gave a competition form. It's an art of drawing competition. Kind of. I was so confused either I shall join it or not. I'm done with the drawing, but not feeling so confident to post it. After getting a few encouragement and consolation from a few friends that I trust, I just post it in case I'm fortune enough to get to the second round even that's when three days more before the due date. 

And I think you could guess what's the happiest news I'm saying about. Yeah! I've make it to the second round. I know that I gained nothing because this is just the first round with no prize, but making it to second round makes me feel proud of myself. To be honest, I'm really proud. Hehehe. It's not that I'm high confident but I never imagined it this way. 

I've never been this happy before. It's the most meaningful success I've ever achieved.

Maybe it's because a success is more valuable when we do the things we love.

I want to do my best.
I want to prove to everyone that I can.
I want to prove to abah that arts is everything I have.

I really want to win this.

Pray for me, guys :)

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Saturday, 6 June 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Wahhh! Lamanya tak bukak! At last, the midyear holidays arrived! Yoohoo!

Well, I have so much thing to tell. Hey, of course! I hasn't been update for such a long long long time.

Remember that I told you that I've dropped Biology subject and take Arts instead? I'm so so so dissappointed with that. Why? Sebab Pengetua tarik balik. Dia...oops, no... Beliau nak jaga gred sekolah. Lagi-lagi when I'm the only one taking Arts. So, I decided to move out from that school. But yeah, my dad didn't agree. He thinks that other school are not as good as Almashoor. Pergh. Good sangat. Yeppp sekolah memang bagus tapi keadaan sekolah, perangai cikgu dan murid-murid yang buat sekolah jadi tak bagus. And my father judge without even know it. Besides, when I said because I want to learn Arts, he said "Nak belajar Seni buat apa? Seni ni tak ada masa depab pun" instead. I want to learn Arts so much. Why can't I do something I like. I want to draw professionally. I'm not so talented but yeah I want to learn! Learn something I love. Can't people understand me? I just want to be an Artist. But why do I keep studying just to satisfied my parents and not because I sincerely want. It's not that I don't want but I really can't! 

Sejak bila manusia diciptakan untuk menjadi sama?

Ayat yang dipetik dari komik Misi 11 A+ ni sering terngiang di fikiran SA sejak form 1 lagi. Ya betul! Sekolah ni macam kilang memproses pelajar. Masuk dengan result 5A or 4A then diproses hingga at last, kita as bahan mentah ni terhasil menjadi produk yang sama. Tapi tak ada guna jadi sama? Even kalau kilang buat gula-gula pun, gula-gula tu still ada macam-macam perisa. And that's what's make the world. That's what's colored the Earth. Different taste give you different feeling.

Memang SA cakap yang SA nak jadi Astronomer. SA tarik balik cita-cita tu dan kembali kepada cita-cita SA yang dari darjah 5 tu. Kenapa? Sebab SA tetiba terfikir, kalau SA jadi Astronomer, SA akan busy and supposed to be SA takkan ada masa dengan family, tambah-tambah dengan anak-anak. Entah kahwin pun entah tidak. Benda paling SA takut nak hadapi pada masa depan is I don't want to see my kids are abandoned. I don't want to face that fact. I want my kids to have a perfect moments with their parents. And not being like me.

Other than that, well, talking about friends problems, it will never end. It's life babe! And as a teenager, it's like a must to have some problems with friends. But this time, it's not a problem to me actually. Just, I'm not close with Wardina like I used to be. I don't even know why and it's happen like a flash of light, without both of us notice. But glad then, we still contact each other and talk nonsense like we always use to. She's a friend since form 1, how can I just leave her just like that?

But there's another friend, that of course I'm not going to mention her name, is a complete problem for me, no, for us. SA tak tahu macam mana nak cakap. SA takut ni aib dia so I'll not going to story everything.

Kami rapat dulu, rapat sangat. Kami share banyak benda and exchange so many stories to each other. Kami buat semua benda sama-sama. Makan, tidur, h/w and go home pun together. But now, it's just a memories. I don't know if it's a happy or bitter memories but it's really end up that way. Dan bukan tu saja. Dia dapat kawan lain and I'm completely don't care but the thing is, dia berubah. Completely changed. But not for good. She turn to be her old self. Diri dia yang jahiliah dulu. SA tak tahu lah sama ada dia jadi macam tu disebabkan hasutan kawan baru dia tu or dia memang pilih nak jadi macam tu, tapi yang SA tahu, dia kalah dengan nafsu sendiri. I cried so many times seeing her like that. I want the old her, I mean the better self of her. SA sedih. Sebab SA rasa SA tak berjaya nak tarik dia. SA tahu SA pun buat dosa, kita semua pendosa tapi kalau ada ukhwah fillah yang saling membantu, SA pasti kita takkan terus terjunam dalam lautan dosa tu. Bukan SA tak cuba. SA cuba. SA dah cuba. Tapi entah lah. Usaha SA macam sia-sia ja. I know there's still a long way to go but here I am, feeling like giving up already. Kawan, kita dah tak rapat, tapi aku masih sayang kau dan of course aku taknak tengok kau terus hidup bergelumang dengan dosa. So, hey! I'm not going to give up! I'm still going to do something with you and try to safe you, my friend. Just wait.

Hmm, so I think that's enough for this time. Going to update again. Later. Maybe. Or three weeks more. Hahaha, I don't know. So... bye.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 5 April 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Pernah tak korang rasa, benda yang korang rasa yakin boleh dapat, sebab korang selalu dapat tapi tetiba, dia lenyap macam tu ja.

SA lawan nasyid khamis lepas, and kami memang nak jadi Johan. Tipulah kalau taknak kan. Siapa ja taknak jadi Johan kalau lawan apa2.

The truth is, sepanjang SA masuk nasyid, kami tak pernah kalah masa peringkat daerah. Tapi apakan daya, kita tak mampu nak lawan takdir-Nya. Kami jadi Naid Johan ja. Okay, SA mengaku. SA nangis sebab SA memang tak boleh terima even sampai sekarang pun. Johan? Well, congrats to SMK (P) St. Goerges. Maybe mereka lebih layak tahun ni. Dan nak tau apa yang buat SA frust? Beza markah antara Nida'ul Husna dan Sautul Imtiyaz hanyalah 0.5 markah.

SA ulang sekali lagi. 0.5!

Allah sembunyikan matahari dan hadirkan ribut serta hujan.
Kita tercari2 ke manakah hilangnya matahari.
Rupa2nya, Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi.

Ayat ni sangat sesuai untuk describe situasi kami sekarang.

Setelah dua hari suntuk ditemani air mata, akhirnya Allah keluarkan pelangi tu.

Baru ja pagi tadi, Ustazah Sakinah, guru latih nasyid kami, called SA dan bagitahu yang JPN buat keputusan untuk ambil 2 kumpulan dari setiap daerah. And that's mean Nida'ul Husna dapat masuk peringkat negeri.

Pelangi ni sangat cantik Ya, Rahman.

Besides, wanna know something? I dropped my Biology. And I'm not joking. But instead of dropping the subject, SA nak ganti dengan subjek Seni. Dan SA dapat. Tahu tak syarat yang cikgu Seni SA bagi kat SA apa? SA mesti dapat at least 'A' setiap exam.

Okay. I'm dying.

But SA rasa kalau dengan usaha maybe semua tu tak mustahil.

Kita dapat apa yang kita nak but in the same time we lose something more precious.

Nida'ul Husna jadi huru-hara dan SA tak suka benda ni. Ada di antara kami kena keluar dan bakal digantikan dgn org lain. SA taknak. SA taknak sapa2 keluar dan taknak sapa2 org baru masuk.

SA taknak!

Nida'ul Husna, ayuh bangun menuju kejayaan! Jangan give up walau apa pun yang terjadi. SA akan cuba pertahankan selagi boleh. In Shaa Allah.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 22 February 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Different atau dalam bahasa is berbeza. Apa yg berbeza? The answer is hidup aku.

Hidup aku betul2 upside down wei. Aku takut aku tak mampu nak hadapi hidup ni. Mimpi semalam menakutkan aku. Satu hari aku fikirkan mimpi aku tapi aku cuba untuk lupakan. Tapi tak boleh. Dan sekarang baru aku rasa effectnya. Aku betul2 takut.

Aku takut.
Aku sedih.
Aku tak kuat.

Ya, aku tahu Allah takkan bagi dugaan yang hamba-Nya tak mamu nak handle.

Tapi semua ni terlalu berat, Ya Rabb.

Plus, aku taknak hilang orang yang aku sayang.

Paling takut, kalau aku jatuh, aku tak mampu nak bangun sendiri. Aku perlu sokongan. Aku perlukan tangan untuk bantu aku bangun. Tangan yang sudi dan hati yang ikhlas.

Kadang2 aku fikir, betul ka orang yang aku rasa dia sayang aku, betul2 sayang aku dengan erti kata sebenar. Atau aku saja yang syok sendiri. Even kawan yang paling rapat dengan aku pon, didn't said that I'm the first rank of friends she loves.

Aku nak ubah semua ni kepada asal balik. Aku nak semua macam dulu balik.


Aku mohon. Aku nak putar balik masa.

Post ni tak panjang, tapi cukup untuk puaskan hati aku walaupun air mata masih berdegil nak keluar.

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.

Sunday, 1 February 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

One of my hope had already ruined. To have a perfect beginning of  2015. But what happen to me now?

A week before the school started, we are informed that we have to started our first school day at the new building. I didn't feel excited at all. Because you know what? I love the old Al-Mashoor more. There's a lot of memories created for the whole 3 years I'd been living there. Maybe the things there are all new - including the rules which turned to more stress - but not us, the students.

The new Al-Mashoor do give me a lot of pain. But still, we try to have fun and appreciate the new school.

But what would you do if it's turned out to be more painful? We just enjoying the first week at the new Al-Mashoor but that week end up with thousands tank of tears. Form 4 were informed that the school will kick a few students to give 15 new students places to enter the school. What would you feel if you have to lose a lot of friends just in a week? Yes, they were given a week more to stay there and you know what? A week isn't enough. Maybe there's no one that I close have to move but you know what hurting? It's hurt watch others friendship to be apart. I just watch and it felt hurt. I couldn't imagine what I would be like if one of my closest friends have to move too.

And it's so hurt when Wardina said to me that she will move out in one week more.

Do you even called a person 'human' if s/he didn't cry when losing someone s/he love?

For me, I don't.

And in that one week, I have to lose a teacher I love the most. She's my idol in that school and I do love her so much. I love Bahasa Arab because of her. She taught me with full of patient because I know, I pained her so much. If you read my last post then you will know what I did.

It's hard to let all of them go. But what can I do? I don't even have any power to make them stay. There's no other way anymore. I just have to learn to accept the fate and have a faith in Him. I know there's reasons behind all this. If we really mean to be friends than for sure we will meet again one day. I hope they wouldn't forget us here and all memories we have created, either sweet, sour or bitter.

I cried a lot till it felt like there's no more tears in my tank. You know.... it's really do hurt so much.

I just prayed that I could move on even without them. Maybe that's what's the best. I have to force myself for it. Yes it's give pain but there's no other choice. 

I really have to focus on study and nasyid in the same time. I got new percussion you know! I played 4 music instruments. Isn't it cool? And hey! I forgot to inform you guys something. I was in Account class in the first place but I got a chance to change it to Science and I felt happy for that. But still, the happiness can't cover the pain of losing people we love. 

Wassalamualaikum w.b.t.